Akatsuki Chat Room
by derp derp
Summary: What happens when Akatsuki find a chat room? Watch out for the KakuzuxHidan, SasorixOC, DeidaraxHidan and ZetsuxOC. There's also a bit of ItachixSomerandomgirlImadeuponthespotthatdoesn'tfeatureanywhereelse. Rated T just because...
1. Chapter 1

Akatsuki Chat Room

AN: I do not own Akatsuki nor do I own any of the characters. Watch out for the KakuzuxHidan fluff.

* * *

**Deidara Has Logged In**

**Tobi Has Logged In**

**Itachi Has Logged In**

Tobi: Hi Deidara-senpai!

Deidara: Oh kami un…

Itachi: …

**Itachi Has Logged Off**

Tobi: …What's his problem?

Deidara: --

Tobi: Hey that looks cool! How do you do that?

**Deidara Has Logged Off**

Tobi: …Okay…

**Zetsu Has Logged In**

Tobi: Hi Zetsu-sensei!

Zetsu: Kon-nichiwa Tobi-kun.

Tobi: Where is everyone today?

Zetsu: Well… I'm not sure about the others but I've just had dinner.

Tobi: Oh cool. What did you have?

Zetsu: Human…

Tobi: …

Zetsu: What?

Tobi: …Nothing…

Zetsu: Okay…

**Hidan Has Logged In**

**Kakuzu Has Logged In**

Tobi: Hi you guys!

Kakuzu: Oh kami… and I thought it would be just us…

Tobi: …

Zetsu: Sorry for interrupting your Cyber Sex Hidan and Kakuzu-teme

Hidan: Lord Jashin forbids Cyber Sex! How dare you blaspheme with your lies!

Zetsu: O…k

Kakuzu: Calm down Hidan or I'll have to bitch slap you again.

Tobi: Sorry guys I went to get a drink!

Kakuzu: Oh kami it's back…

Hidan: Kami does not exist! Only Lord Jashin is real!

Kakuzu: Okay Hidan you're really starting to piss me off.

**Kakuzu Has Logged Off**

Zetsu: …

Tobi: …

Hidan: Hang on… someone's knocking at my door.

**Hidan Changed His Status to Be Right Back**

Zetsu: I bet its Kakuzu…

Tobi: I can hear Hidan screaming…

Zetsu: …

**Hidan Has Logged Off**

Zetsu: …

Tobi: …

**Kakuzu Has Logged In**

Kakuzu: Now let's see that little bitch talk about Jashin…

Zetsu: What did you do to him?

Kakuzu: Stuck his keyboard where the sun doesn't shine.

Zetsu: Oooh… nasty…

Tobi: Where doesn't the sun shine?

Kakuzu: Tobi you're an idiot.

Zetsu: Your ass Tobi… the sun doesn't shine on your ass.

Tobi: So Kakuzu-san stuck Hidan-kun's keyboard up his ass?

Zetsu: Right.

Tobi: Ouch…

**Kisame Has Logged In**

Zetsu: Hey Kisame.

Tobi: Hello Kisame-san!

Kakuzu: Yo.

Kisame: Hey guys… did I just hear Hidan scream?

Kakuzu: Oh that? Don't worry about that.

Kisame: Right… anyway have any of you seen Itachi?

Tobi: He logged on after I did but then he left.

Kisame: Oh okay. Thanks Tobi.

**Kisame Has Logged Off**

**Deidara Has Logged In**

**Sasori Has Logged In**

Deidara: Dono!

Sasori: I can't believe you persuaded me in to this.

Zetsu: Hey guys.

Tobi: Hello Senpai!

Deidara: Oh kami… un… hey Tobi… un

Sasori: Do you have to say "un" even when you're online?

Deidara: Bad habit un.

Sasori: Kami…

Kakuzu: Oh shit… Hidan's come back!

**Kakuzu Has Logged Out**

Sasori: What was that all about?

**Tobi Has Changed His Status to Away**

Zetsu: Oh Hidan was rambling on about Jashin and Kakuzu went and shoved his keyboard up his ass.

Sasori: Oh shit.

Deidara: Ouch un.

Zetsu: Yeah.

Sasori: So that's why I heard screams.

**Tobi Has Changed His Status to Online**

Tobi: Hello!

Deidara: Damn it un…

Sasori: …

Zetsu: Hey Tobi.

Tobi: Guess what you guys. I was walking down the hall to get some cookies when I saw Kakuzu and Hidan making out!

Sasori: …

Deidara: …

Zetsu: …

Tobi: What?

Sasori: I'm going to be sick…

Deidara: Kami un…

Zetsu: The world is coming to an end.

Tobi: I thought it was kind of sweet.

**Sasori Has Logged Off**

**Deidara Has Changed His Status to Be Right Back**

Tobi: Hmm…

Zetsu: So anyway Tobi.

Tobi: Yes?

Zetsu: Err… I got nothing…

Tobi: Nothing of what?

Zetsu: Never mind…

Tobi: Do I hear screams?

**Deidara Has Changed His Status to Online**

Deidara: It's true un…

Zetsu: You went to look?!

Deidara: I was curious… un…

Zetsu: You're weird.

Deidara: Un…

Tobi: See? I told you I wasn't lying but did Senpai believe me?! No he did not!

**Tobi Has Logged Off**

Zetsu: Aww, now you've pissed him off…

**Zetsu Has Logged Off**

Deidara: …

**Sasori Has Logged On**

Deidara: Dono! Where did you go un?

Sasori: I was sick…

Deidara: Dono un!

Sasori: Don't come and hug me Deidara…

Deidara: Okay…

Deidara: …

Deidara: Want Cyber Sex?

**Sasori Has Logged Off**

Deidara: …Fine…

**Deidara Has Logged Off**


	2. Chapter 2

Akatsuki Chat Room 2

AN: I do not own the Akatsuki, nor the characters. But I do claim ownership on Hoshiko and Kitsune. Also, watch out for the OCxSasori...

* * *

**Kakuzu Logged On**

**Hidan Logged On**

Kakuzu: Well that was embarrassing…

Hidan: You're telling me…

Kakuzu: Let's never do that again…

Hidan: You always say that but you never follow through!

Kakuzu: Hey! You were the one that came on to me!

Hidan: Lord Jashin wished me to!

Kakuzu: Don't blame all this crap on your stupid, make believe, god!

Hidan: He's not MAKE BELIEVE!

**Itachi Logged On**

Itachi: Oh… it's you guys…

Kakuzu: And we're just thrilled to see you too Itachi.

Itachi: Be careful what you say to me.

Kakuzu: Yes sir…

Itachi: I assume you all know everyone is talking about your little shenanigans

Hidan: They are?

Itachi: Yes. Maybe not loud enough for you to hear.

Kakuzu: Fuck…

**Kisame Logged On**

Kisame: Hey Itachi… hey love birds.

Itachi: Kisame.

Kakuzu: Shut up fish boy!  
Hidan: Lord Jashin will kick your ass!

Kisame: Oh I'm so scared. What are you gonna do? Make out in front of me?

Kakuzu: …

Hidan: …

Itachi: That actually would be pretty scary…

Kisame: Yeah… please don't.

Kakuzu: I'm going to bed…

Hidan: Me too…

Kakuzu: Way to fuck things up Hidan.

Hidan: What?!

Itachi: Go to bed… with each other…

Kisame: Lmao!

Kakuzu: That!

Hidan: Sorry! Fine I won't go to bed… I'll perform a ritual…

Kakuzu: What ever.

**Kakuzu Logged Off**

**Hidan Logged Off**

Kisame: So Itachi-san…

Itachi: What?

Kisame: Never mind…

Itachi: Fine. I need food.

**Itachi Logged Off**

**Kisame Logged Off**

**Hoshiko Logged On**

**Kitsune Logged On**

Hoshiko: Did you hear?

Kitsune: Yeah! It's so cute!

Hoshiko: In a very creepy way… yeah I guess it is.

Kitsune: Ew images…

Hoshiko: I thought you liked that sort of thing.

Kitsune: No.

Hoshiko: Fine…

**Deidara Logged On**

**Zetsu Logged On**

Deidara: Hey girls un

Zetsu: Ehem…

Deidara: …Hey people un…

Zetsu: That still doesn't count me…

Deidara: Hey everyone un!

Hoshiko: You're so complicated Zetsu.

Zetsu:

Kitsune: Hey guys, what's up?

Deidara: Sasori-dono is feeling ill (

Kitsune: Oh dear, what's wrong with him?

Deidara: He has the flu…

Kitsune: Well has anyone given him any medicine?

Deidara: The only person who can do that is Hoshiko

Hoshiko: Then why didn't you ask dumb dumb?

Deidara: …

Hoshiko: Fine…

**Hoshiko Logged Off**

Zetsu: I ate a baby

Kitsune: That's lovely dear…

Deidara: What kind of baby un?

Zetsu: …The human kind…

Deidara: Why did I ask?

Zetsu: I dunno…

Kitsune: sigh I wonder if it's true about blonds…

Deidara: What?

Kitsune: Nothing.

Zetsu: Haha

Deidara: …

**Tobi Logged On**

Deidara: Fucking hell un…

Zetsu: Hey Tobi

Kitsune: Hey Tobi

Tobi: Hiya guys! Hello Senpai!

Deidara: Un.

Tobi: …Cold

Deidara: I'm going to check up on Sasori-dono

Kitsune: No don't!

Deidara: Why not?

Kitsune: For the love of god d-

**Deidara Logged Off**

Kitsune: -on't…why do I bother?

**Kitsune Changed Her Status to Be Right Back**

Zetsu: …

Tobi: What was that all about?

Zetsu: You don't want to know…

**Deidara Logged On**

**Kitsune Logged On**

Kitsune: I told you! But what did you do?!

Deidara: My eyes burn…

Zetsu: Oh so you caught them?

Deidara: Hai un

Tobi: Caught who?

Kitsune: Don't worry Tobi-kun. If we told you, you would want to kill yourself.

Tobi: I'm sure it's not that bad.

Deidara: It is.

**Sasori Logged On**

Deidara: …

Zetsu: You were quick.

Sasori: Yes well… we had to finish off quickly.

Kitsune: Is she still there?

Sasori: Yes.

Kitsune: Hiya Hoshiko!

Sasori: Hey Kitsune!

Tobi: Wait… Sasori wouldn't type something like that…

Sasori: That's because this is Hoshiko on Sasori's account Tobi-kun

Tobi: Oh…

Deidara: Dono…

Sasori: Yes?

Deidara: I don't think I can look at you the same way anymore…

Sasori: I don't care.

Zetsu: Harsh

Sasori: Meh…

Kitsune: I'm off to get a cookie

**Kitsune Changed Her Status to Be Right Back**

Tobi: Deidara-senpai?

Deidara: What un?

Tobi: Are you crying?

Deidara: No… un

Tobi: Okay…

Zetsu: Liar

Deidara: Am not un!

Zetsu: What ever…

Tobi: Why has Sasori stopped talking?

Zetsu: I dunno…

Deidara: I can think of a few things…

Zetsu: Don't Deidara.

**Kitsune Changed Her Status to Online**

Kitsune: Mm… cookie!

Deidara: Can I have one kudasai?

Kitsune: Okay!

**Kitsune Changed Her Status to Be Right Back**

Deidara: Arigato

Zetsu: …  
Tobi: …

**Hoshiko Logged On**

Deidara: Oh it's you…

Hoshiko: Yes it's me.

Sasori: Shut up Deidei!

Deidara: What?!

Sasori: Stop being so stupid!

**Deidara Logged Off**

Hoshiko: I think you upset him…

Sasori: Don't care.

Hoshiko: Don't lie.

Sasori: I'm not.

Zetsu: …

Tobi: I'm confused.

Zetsu: Don't worry Tobi. Want to go watch TV?

Tobi: Okay!

**Tobi Logged Off**

**Zetsu Logged Off**

**Kitsune Changed Her Status to Online**

Kitsune: Hey guys!

Hoshiko: Hiya!

Sasori: Hi…

Kitsune: Where are the others?

Hoshiko: Tobi and Zetsu went to watch TV and we don't know about Deidara.

Kitsune: He started crying.

Sasori: Oh for god sake…

Kitsune: What did you say to him?!

Hoshiko: Deidara: Oh it's you…

Hoshiko: Yes it's me.

Sasori: Shut up Deidei!

Deidara: What?!

Sasori: Stop being so stupid!

**Deidara Logged Off**

Kitsune: Oh…

Sasori: He was being stupid!

Hoshiko: …

Kitsune: I'm going to see how he is… he stormed out after I left.

**Kitsune Logged Off**

Sasori: This has started to suck…

Hoshiko: At least we're not bored…

Sasori: Hai…

Hoshiko: …

**Hidan Logged On**

Sasori: Hey gay boy.

Hidan: Oh fuck off Puppet bitch

**Hidan Logged Off**

Sasori: Lmao

Hoshiko: That was cruel…

Sasori: So?

Hoshiko: …Yeah

Sasori: I'm bored… I might go to bed…

Hoshiko: Is that a hint?

Sasori: Maybe…

**Sasori Logged Off**

Hoshiko: Fuck yeah!

**Hoshiko Logged Off**

**Kitsune Logged On**

**Zetsu Logged On**

Kitsune: Seems like everyone has gone…

Zetsu: Yeah…

Kitsune: What happened to watching TV?

Zetsu: Tobi wanted to watch his gay Soap Opera.

Kitsune: I like that show!

**Kitsune Logged Off**

**Zetsu Logged Off**


	3. Chapter 3

Akatsuki Chat Room 3

AN: Lalala, you know the deal, I don't own any of the characters blah blah blah, pairings involved... lalalala.

* * *

**Kakuzu Logged On**

**Hidan Logged On**

**Itachi Logged On**

**Kisame Logged On**

**Sasori Logged On**

**Deidara Logged On**

**Zetsu Logged On**

**Tobi Logged On**

**Hoshiko Logged On**

**Kitsune Logged On**

Sasori: Oh look… a huge bum fest.

Hoshiko: It's not gay if the balls don't touch

Sasori: LMAO!!!

Itachi: We all know the only gays here are Kakuzu and Hidan… and possibly Deidara.

Deidara: Bi un…

Kisame: What?

Deidara: Bisexual! God un…

Hidan: NO! LORD JASHIN ONLY!

Tobi: …

Kitsune: Shut up Hidan

Hidan: Shut up Whore!

Kitsune: Kakuzu didn't say anything

Sasori: Oohhh…

Hoshiko: Nice burn!

Kitsune: Thanks!

Kakuzu: I'm not a whore.

**Zetsu Logged Off**

**Itachi Logged Off**

**Kisame Logged Off**

**Kakuzu Logged Off**

**Hidan Logged Off**

Sasori: Hahaha…

Tobi: Senpai?

Deidara: What un?

Tobi: Does Bisexual mean you like guys and girls?

Deidara: Yes un…

Tobi: Oh so that's why you get all upset if Sasori has sex!

Hoshiko: Aww Deidara fancies Sasori!

Sasori: Ew… I never thought about it like that…

Deidara: That hurt un…

Sasori: Sorry…

Kitsune: Don't you mind Hoshiko?

Hoshiko: No… why? Should I be?

Sasori: You're not?

Hoshiko: Well would you be jealous if Kitsune had a crush on me?

Sasori: No… I'd find it hot.

Hoshiko: Exactly

Sasori: …Oh shit…

Deidara: So you don't mind if I…?

Sasori: It's never going to happen Deidara.

Deidara: …

**Tobi Logged Off**

**Deidara Logged Off**

Hoshiko: What if I returned the favor to you?

Sasori: What?

Hoshiko: Okay… let me explain… if Kitsune and I made out with each other would you make out with Deidara?

Sasori: …Maybe…

Kitsune: Awesome!

Hoshiko: Yes or No Sasori?

Sasori: …

Hoshiko: Shall I come and get an answer from you?

Sasori: …

Hoshiko: If you want me to come and get an answer say I love Deidara

Sasori: You love Deidara

Hoshiko: Touché

**Hoshiko Logged Off**

Sasori:3

Kitsune: Oh Brother…

**Kitsune Logged Off**

**Sasori Logged Off**

**Tobi Logged On**

**Deidara Logged On**

Deidara: I can't believe that Sasori un!

Tobi: What?

Deidara: He's so closed minded.

Tobi: Maybe Hidan will make out with you!

Deidara: …

**Deidara Logged Off**

**Zetsu Logged On**

Zetsu: Anyone on?

Tobi: I am

Zetsu: Hiya

Tobi: Hi

Zetsu: Someone's knocking… be right back…

Tobi: Okay…

Tobi: …

Tobi: …

Tobi: Lalala

Zetsu: Sorry Tobi… I'm going to be away for a while. Kitsune's here.

**Zetsu Logged Off**

**Itachi Logged On**

**Kisame Logged On**

Tobi: Hi guys…

Itachi: Where is everyone?

Kisame: Hm…

Tobi: Well…Hoshiko and Sasori are having sex again… Kitsune and Zetsu are having sex… and I think Deidara and Hidan are making out.

Itachi: …

Kisame: Kami it's like a fuck fest in here.

Itachi: Jeeze…

Tobi: At least I have you guys!

Itachi: Yay…

Kisame: But what about Kakuzu?

Itachi: …

Kisame: …

Itachi: …Ew…

Kisame: Would he really do that?

Itachi: Well everyone else is fucking. Why shouldn't he be?

Tobi: Erm… what is there left for Kakuzu to have sex with?

Itachi: His hand…

Tobi: …

Kisame: Ew…

Tobi: I'm going to be sick…

**Tobi Logged Off**

**Itachi Logged Off**

**Kisame Logged Off**

**Kakuzu Logged On**

Kakuzu: Ok guys I'm back from the shower!

Kakuzu: …

Kakuzu: …No one's on…

**Kakuzu Logged Off**


End file.
